Taking Care of your Parents

The past few days, I've been visiting family and helping to take care of my (quite ill) stepmother. Let me say right now that I have a whole new respect for all kinds of caretakers... particularly those who take care of people in hospice. Personally, I am very grateful such people are out there to help my (none too young) father and stepmother to cope. I don't know how they do it, honestly, but I know it must take a special kind of person to choose that as a career.

For me, I am now about 2/3 of the way through my fourth day as the blood pressure taker / personal hygiene assistant / wheel chair operator / walking lift / short order cook / housekeeper / launderess / dog walker / cat feeder / plant waterer / server / etc. and it's exhausting. All the more so because this is someone I care about and knowing how much help she needs forces me to be aware of how sick she really is.

What really disturbed me, though, was a comment from one of the nurses about how kind of me it was to do this. I told her that that's what you do for family and she responded that many times she had seen that not be the case. That's upsetting on many levels. First, for those who don't have family, second for those who's family is too far away to help, third for those who's family wants to help but can't afford time off of work and, most disturbing of all, for those who are so alienated from their families that no one will come. It seems to me that this is something my generation is going to be facing a lot of, as our baby boomer parents get older and need more help. I wish there wasn't such a stigma attached to being "put in a home". Because I look at things here, and it's ok for now because my aunt and I are switching off so there's always someone to help my dad (who has to keep working, btw). But what happens if Stepmother doesn't get better within the next 4-6 weeks? By better, I don't mean a miraculous recovery, I mean well enough to stay home alone? A home health aide, wonderful as the service is, can't stay the whole day and what happens the other, oh, 7 hours that dad's not here?

What a thing to have to be worrying about at Christmas... Here's another fine thought. Why is my stepmother, who is a wonderful human being, dying while plenty of human scum are healthy and mobile? I know, I know, life isn't fair. But it irks me to think of people who's sole contribution to the human race is, oh, killing other people or stealing cars or blowing up buildings, will live for decades while my family will be lucky to have this one last holiday together.